That’s not to say that everything about your sex life is going to stay the same as you get older. It never stayed the same your first 50 years, so why should your last 50 be change-free? The problem is that younger men, looking ahead, see change leading only to some kind of feeble approximation of the real thing.
Not so. «Your physical responsiveness is altered to a degree, but not radically,» says Dr. Brauer.
So if you want to have sex for the rest of your life, don’t focus on your physical changes. Focus on the things you can do to make sure that you keep having sex for the rest of your life.
Do it or eschew it. The secret to healthy sex in your sixties or seventies and beyond is to have healthy sex in your fifties and forties and before. «It’s very difficult for a man who pretty much stopped having sex in his fifties to start it up again when he’s 75,» Dr. Brauer says.
That’s because sex is plumbing. The more the blood flows to the penis, the more it wants to. «If you stop having sexual relationships, the disuse leads to atrophy of the blood vessels in the penis and impairment of blood flow to the penis,» Dr. Vinik says. Translation: Your equipment shuts down, taking your sex life along with it.
Go solo. Those times in your life when you might be partnerless are no reason to let the plumbing back up. «I recommend that men maintain a certain frequency of erection and orgasm,» Dr. Brauer says. «At least two orgasms a week have been found to be associated with improved physical health and longevity. And that can be achieved with solo sex if that’s what it takes.»
You won’t be the only guy using masturbation to keep his equipment in working order.
«Two-thirds of married men are doing some kind of regular self-stimulation,» Dr. Brauer says. «That can and probably should continue throughout life.»
Ask for a helping hand. At 20, your erection may happen from just thinking about her disrobing. At 35, it may happen by watching her disrobe. At 60, it happens if she fondles your genitals, robed or not. «Direct stimulation is very important for a man in his middle or later years,» Dr. Brauer says. «And not only direct stimulation but continuous stimulation.»
That shouldn’t be a problem since you don’t often hear men grumbling, «What a drag. I have to put up with a lot of stroking and licking from her before the real action.» But Dr. Brauer suggests that you find tactful ways to instruct her on this since she may misinterpret the new requirement as an insult to her sex appeal.
Stay high and dry. Fact: You’ll deliver less ejaculate as you get older. And sometimes you won’t ejaculate at all, a change that’s considerately accompanied by less urge to do so. «Enjoy the process without feeling that you necessarily have to ejaculate to finish it off,» Dr. Brauer says. Having orgasms without ejaculating may allow you to have this sort of climax more frequently than if you did ejaculate, he adds.
Check your hormones. Your hormone levels don’t generally drop enough with age to cramp your sexual style. But sometimes they do, and you may feel the need to talk to your doctor about getting testosterone supplements, often in the form of a skin patch you apply to your body.
«If your testosterone levels are lower than average for your age, you may benefit from supplementation,» Dr. Brauer says. «In fact, some doctors believe that if your testosterone levels are lower than average and you are in your mid-thirties, supplements may be desirable. It may also be worthwhile to make sure that other hormones are also at a reasonable level. Other hormones to check are thyroid and adrenal since these, too, can have an influence on sexual interest and response.»
Call a mechanic. If technical difficulties beyond your control do keep you from getting erections in your later years, take advantage of some tools available for men with erection problems. The ideas of using a vacuum pump to draw blood into the penis, or injecting an erection-producing substance directly into the penis before sex, might have seemed weird a few decades ago but are now increasingly common among diabetics and others. A new device known as Muse inserts a rice grain-size soft pellet of the erection-enhancing substance called alprostadil one inch up the urethra. «It is helpful for some men with unstable natural erections,» says Dr. Brauer.
«For a certain number of men with erection insecurity, a mechanical device is wonderful,» Dr. Brauer says.
And in case you’re wondering, the shots are relatively simple. «During genital examinations, we give the patient a little pinch,» says Dr. Vinik. «When he asks what that was all about, we tell him that’s all he’ll feel when he gives himself the shot. It’s a piece of cake.»
*66/36/5*